I got the following letter in my email today. I know you folks would love it!
It is with great sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and Dad. I’ve been finding real passion with Ahmed, and he is so nice, even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard, and motorcycle clothes. But it’s not only the passion, Mom. I’m pregnant, and Ahmed said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.
He wants to have many more children with me, and that’s now one of my dreams, too. Ahmed taught me that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone, and we’ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and Ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Ahmed can get better. He sure deserves it! Don’t worry about me, Mom. I’m 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I’m sure we’ll be back so you can get to know your grandchildren.
PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I’m over at the neighbors’ house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card, which is in the center drawer of my desk. I love you. Please call when it is safe to come home.
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